Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
