When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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