I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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