were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
