I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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