Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
