Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
