R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
