I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
