he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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