I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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