I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
