Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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