Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
