I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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