Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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