she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
