I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
