I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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