im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
