Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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