sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
