I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
