And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
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Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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