Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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