Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
