It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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