I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't put those talents on a resume
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
