you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize