margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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