you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
