all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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