People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
