WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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