I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
