she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
