she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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