the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
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