If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
