Where is the hickey?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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