Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize