i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I believe in your delicious
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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