Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
