he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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