I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
