there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
