I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
