Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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