babies were throwing up all over the place
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
