Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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