So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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