when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
