I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
