Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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