Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
