I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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