Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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