No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
