i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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