The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
