i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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