hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
