Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
