He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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