that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
