you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
