I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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