Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
