woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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