Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
