what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
