was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
