just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
