Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
