I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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